I feel horrible. No, horrible doesn't really describe it. I just...ugh. This sucks, this sucks SO bad. I totally fucked up, I fucked up worse than I thin kI ever have before. I'm just an idiot, and I guess I shouldn't act surprised when Philip implies my utter lack of brain cells, because he's right. I fucked up and hurt the person I care about the most. I fucked things up so bad I bet he's not even going to look at me when I turn around and talk to him. I defeated him, possibly broken his heart, (if not, i fucked it up pretty bad). To my knowledge, this is the first time he's ever been truly pissed at me. He snaps at me now, and we've been fighting. We never used to fight, unless I was pmsing and that was just me being stupid to begin with. UGH i hate this, i hate that I did this to him, I hate that moe wants to physically hurt me because of it. I hate everything that has come out of that night. I hate that I can no longer have any kind of feeling in this relationship anymore, becuase I will always have what i did hanging over my head for as long as am i'm in it, he can use it against me and what can i say to that? he has every right too. I fucked up bad. He told me that saturday was the worst night he's had in a few years. In a few years!!! Look what i fucking did. This totally absolutley blows and i hate that there's nothing i can do about it. What can i do? I could move out, but where? Colfax? My aunts house? No. And nothing would really be accomplished by me moving out anyway, becasue we'd still have this stupid problem. I hate it, i really, really do, it's this big stupid wieght on my chest and it sucks. Note to anyone reading this: don't do stupid shit when you're drunk. and don't cheat. not on boys who don't deserve it. I suck.